Hate Me
by sentinel10
Summary: The Cullen's, A wedding, An angry Alpha and a lot of alcohol. Ahhh... Just another day at the office for Leah Clearwater.
1. Scissors and Dorito's

**I do not own Twilight because if I did Leah would get the guy (yes that's you Jacob) and Bella and the spawn would have died during childbirth... yeah you heard me! U Suck Swan, you wreck everything!**

* * *

**~Hate Me~**

_The Cullen's_

I couldn't believe my stupid fuck face of an Alpha was making me go through this bullshit. Why the hell did I have to look presentable? I wasn't the motherfucker getting married, and what the hell was wrong with the permanent scowl etched on my face? And who said I had to go to the stupid wedding? Like I wanted to celebrate the marriage of Sam Uley and my fucking stupid bitch of a cousin Emily Young. Ugh! Just thinking about it made the crease lines in my forehead double.

"Leah if they wind changes your face is going to stay like that" Rosalie sing songed from the bottom of the stairs, watching me glare at the same spot on the wall I had been looking at for the last 20 minutes.

"_Whatever_, if I wanted my face to look the same for the rest of eternity I would just become a stone cold vampire" I sneered back crossing my arms and staring at the wall even more. I knew at some point I would have to stop staring at the spotless white wall because it was starting to mess with my vision. Kind of like when you stare at the sun too long and you start getting those stupid little bright spots.

"Come off it Leah, you know I am just a stone cold fox and your just jealous" She said laughing in her bell like voice.

I tore my eyes away from the wall and glared at the stupid blonde Barbie as she combed her manicured fingers through her shinny blonde hair. My breathing increased as I caught her smirk when she turned, probably to find her big oaf of a husband and tell him that the square block goes in the square hole, not the round hole. I bet even Claire could give the idiot a run for his money.

I looked down at my clothes and picked at the small pieces of leaves stuck to my light denim cut-offs. My oversized once black tee was now a light grey and it looked a few sizes too big. I knew it had a few rips in the sleeve but who cares right? I was only turning into a giant dog and running around the forest, so who gives a shit what I wear in between, right?

I sighed and threw my head back looking at the chandelier. It was horribly shiny like the rest of the occupants in the house and I could also see my tiny reflection in the crystal shards. I hated looking in the mirror knowing a _once_ beautiful girl with the hopes and dreams of the entire world stood looking back. Now all that looked back was a tall lanky extremely empty lifeless woman. My body had changed and made me as self-conscious as an anorexic at a buffet dinner.

I often wonder what would happen if I decided to drop the horrible act and cleaned up a bit, that maybe I could get a date or something. I had actually missed the touch of a man. The way a hard body would press against mine and pin me to the wall and run a warm hand from my knee cap, to my thigh and then to my ass.

I let out a groan when I spotted the thought stealing ice pop leaning against the doorway, smirking like he fucking knew what was wrapped inside every present under the Christmas tree. I wanted to punch his stupid lights out and rip his head off, hide it somewhere in the forest and make him find it himself.

"Always a pleasure Leah" He nodded at me.

"I hate you Cullen, why don't you go burn in hell, along with your soul" I scolded watching him move closer to me.

Before I knew it the popsicle ruffled my hair and chuckled. "Love you too Lee-Lee"

"Son of a cunt-" I cried leaping the pristine couch to chase the fucking bloodsucker, to the ends of the earth if I had to. The bastard was fast, I'll give him that, but he couldn't hide with that horrible sickly sweet smell he left behind so gracefully. Pointing my nose in the air I turned to pick up where the shit head had run off to. As I turned to face the kitchen a waft of sweetness hit my nostrils.

_Dear Edward, you're in my territory now _I mentally sing-songed before bounding into the kitchen.

No sooner had I inched my body through the door, a pair of large hands grabbed me around my waist and held me to them. I kicked and tried to get out of their grip so I could show Cullen just how much a girl was about to kick his ass.

"Calm down Leah" A deep voice said to me and his grip around me became tighter.

"Screw you Black, let me go, I am going to rip him apart, starting with his dick!" I shrieked trying to squirm my way out of his bear vice grip. After a couple of minutes of yelling, biting, scratching and huffing, I fell limp and let Jacob hold me up.

"Okay fine" I mumbled "I won't kill him, I promise" I felt Jacob's hold on me diminish and seizing the day I ran like a bat out of hell, knowing full well I would be in trouble for lying. But first I wanted to get my hands on that motherfucker...

* * *

"You shouldn't have done that Lee" Jacob said bumping my shoulder with his as we sat on the couch eating a bag of Doritos. I snatched the bag out of his hands and dug my own hand in there to grab a handful of Nacho Cheese heaven.

"He deserved it" I said glaring at Jacob with a full mouth of chips. Jacob twisted his face at me in disgust.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you _not _to eat with your mouth open?" He mused staring at my mouth.

"Of course. But since when do I listen to her anyway?" I chuckled, before burying another hand full of chips into my mouth. "If I listened to her, do you really think me and my brother would be here babysitting the leeches?"

I watched Jacob laugh and shake his head, eating his handful of chips. His lips where fuller than the other guys. Note Taken. His chest was easily broader, and more defined than the others, I also noted as my eyes went from the tops of his head to his feet. I kinda felt dizzy because he was so tall; scanning his body almost hurt my neck.

"Why are you looking at me like _that_?" Jacob asked with his signature smirk.

"No reason" I said smirking right back at the smug bastard.

"Ohh there's a reason" He said wiggling his eyebrows at me. "You claimed to hate me, but I know you Leah. You're in love with your mighty Alpha" He said smiling widely and leaning towards me.

"Not even if you were the last man on earth Black" I said palming his face away from mine.

He just chuckled before a piercing scream shot through the house.

I jumped up and spun around, but not before Bella had her ice cold hands around my neck. She collided with me so hard that she had pinned me against the wall and there was concrete dust spraying around us.

"You bitch" She hissed clamping her rock solid hand down on my throat. I could feel my oesophagus start to close under the weight. I had already started to seize from the lack of oxygen getting to my brain. I had to think quickly and get this stupid whiny asshole off me.

I phased within moments, using my large grey paws to push the ice bitch off me. My wolf body shook as the Adrenalin starting to kick in. I huffed and could feel the burn from the lack of air squeezing my lungs. I growled menacingly at her and she crouched low ready to attack.

Bella the klutz was no more, but instead Bella the fucking barbarian bitch.

"Leah back down" Jacob said trying to stand in between Bella and myself. I growled at him watched as Bella circled around Jacob watching me with her golden eyes.

"Bella _stop_ Leah didn't mean it. I provoked her" Edward pleaded with worried eyes watching my every move, obviously afraid for his wife who had an IQ of a fucking peanut.

Bella stomped her foot on the marble floors. "What do you mean she didn't mean it? She stabbed you in the back with a pair of scissors!" She screamed making my wolf claw at the marble, wanting to rip her dead body apart.

"Darling please, I am fine, Leah wouldn't hurt me intentionally. I _did_ provoke her" Edward whined at her.

_Bring it ice cunt!_

I looked over at Jacob and he just shook his head leaning against the wall with his arms crossed tightly. "I told you, you shouldn't have done that" He said softly.

Too bad I was a wolf, otherwise I would have given the idiot the finger.

"What did you _do_ to provoke her so much Edward, tell me this instant" She said glaring at her husband.

Edward gave me a quick glance before her said the words that I wanted to make him eat. "I called her by Sam's pet name"

Bella instantly gave up her WWF posture and I could see everything inside her soften. She glanced over at me and looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry Leah I just-" I cut her off with a loud growl and stalked towards her. I didn't want her pity I wanted to fight. Edward reading my mind like the rapist he is, stood protectively in front of her. Like she needed the protection, she was a fucking monster just like me.

"You're not a monster Leah" Edward said with sincere eyes.

I growled feeling a hand on my fur tugging at it. "Leah come on, it's your turn. You have to be there by noon and I am not giving up my perfect wedding record for anyone." Alice my little pixie life saver said. I turned to her a nuzzled into her hand with my snout. Knowing what I was doing she held them out and opened the silk robe for me, the one she had brought in with her.

"Turn your heads boys" Alice giggled as I phased back. She draped the red robe over my shoulders and I quickly snatched my arms through the sleeves and secured the band around my waist. As I walked away with Alice up the stairs I gave Bella the finger and got ready for my hour of torture.

* * *

"Ow ow ow what the fuck" I yelled trying to hold my hair to my scalp so it wasn't ripped out.

"Shut up and deal Leah. All of the other bride's maids have long hair so you have to put up with these extensions" Alice said struggling to keep my hair in her grasps.

"_Shit_ Alice, please ease up otherwise I am going to have no fucking hair left" I whined rubbing my scalp.

"Trust me" She mumbled as she held a clip in her mouth. "You're going to be the best looking at the wedding"

"I am _not _the bride Alice. It's Emily's day." I said as I looked away from her eyes that were looking down at me.

"Yeah but it should have been your day Leah. But never mind about that, just let me finish this and you will be the hottest piece of wolf ass on the east coast. Especially when you have a hunk like Andy on your arm." She said winking.

"Oh my god Alice, I can't believe you asked _Andy _to be my date! Are you crazy?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Well I was in a mental institution for a while." She smiled at me.

"I hate you Alice."

"Ohh and I love you sweetly. There... all done. I am a pure genius. Thank you, thank you. No. No Autographs" She sprung happily around the room, clapping her hands and bowing every now and then. I just rolled my eyes at her.

"Ok now the dress. I still can't believe that Emily asked you to be a bridesmaid. There is no way I would _ever_ ask you" She said as she tore the plastic away from the dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

I clutched my chest. "Ouch that hurt Alice"

She laughed and shook her head. "I didn't _mean_ because I wouldn't want you to be, it just that your _way_ too beautiful to have as a bridesmaid. You'd steal the show, just like your about to do."

"I highly doubt that. Rachel and Kim are very pretty. I just look like a damn boy." I said sighing and resting my cheek in my palm.

"Leah!" The pixie scolded. "Watch the makeup"

I removed my hand and slid into the dress Alice held up for me. I still couldn't believe that Emily had actually stayed with the colour of her bridesmaid dresses she picked when she was 9 years old. It was a deep purple number with a one shoulder strap. The strap was clasped tightly on the peak of my shoulder with a silver ring, holding the dress, literally together by string.

I sat on the bed as she handed me the silver sandals.

* * *

By the time Alice had finished making me over we were running on a tight schedule.

"Come on" She said pushing me down the stairs almost making me go head first into the marble at the bottom of the steps.

"Shit can you just calm down for one fucking-" I was cut off by a large body which I slammed straight into that was walking around the corner.

"Oh _shit_-" Jacob said quickly reaching out to grab me, only managing to grab my waist, ultimately stopping me from diving face first. He pulled me up quickly and let me collect myself. I glanced over at him and could tell he was looking me over, probably amazed that I was actually wearing a dress.

"Dear lord" Jake breathed watching me straighten out my dress.

"What?" I hissed. After a few seconds of staring and no answer I clicked my fingers together in front of his face. "Hello earth to Alpha?" As quickly as Jake was put in his daze he snapped out of it. His cheeks pinkened as he pulled a hand through his hair.

"Sorry for - uh - you know - running into you" He said staring at something on the floor.

Alice started clapping her hands "Enough from you love birds, we have to get moving. Edward dear brother please bring the car around, you have permission from Sam to drop Leah and Jacob off" She said moving around the room in a flash.

She moved towards the door just as the doorbell chimed.

"Shit..." I muttered smacking my lips together.

"Who's that? It smells human" Jacob asked looking over at me.

"Uhh-"

I was cut off by Alice waiving Andy in a link arms with him dragging him over. He cleaned up pretty well for a college guy. Andy's father worked closely with Carlisle at the hospital and was the only plastic surgeon in Seattle that knew his nose jobs from his boob jobs. After a few work functions at the Cullen's house Andy started to hang out a lot more especially when I was around.

"Wow Leah you look radiant" He said with a shy smile.

"Thanks" I said feeling my cheeks heat up. This was just fucking weird.

Jacob scoffed and glared at Andy as he held out his hand for mine. I timidly put it in his hand and walked toward the door. "So are you ready to celebrate?"

Yeah, celebrate. You could call it that. Or you could call it 'the scorned ex-girlfriend that shows up with a white boy and gets horribly drunk and makes out with several people before getting dragged home by an overprotective baby brother'.

"Sure. As ready as I'll ever be" I sighed.

This was going to be a long fucking night.

..

.

* * *

AN – Just something fun. Probably no more than 3-5 chapters!

**Next: Leah gets a little drunk and the fun begins….**


	2. Rum and Lilies

**I do not own Twilight because if I did Bree Tanner wouldn't have a book, as I would focus on another character that is worth the time. Like Leah. **

**I would start the first book with Sam and Leah. Then the second book would follow Leah's point of view through the Twilight Saga. The third would be Jacob and Leah's pack relationship and Jacob breaking the imprint. And the forth would be Jacob and Leah's happy ending. **

**Fuck you Twilight! You ruined me!**

**

* * *

**

**~Hate Me~**

_The Wedding_

With every drink I had the room got a little blurrier and a little easier to deal with. The gin and tonics tasted like utter dog's breath, so I had decided half an hour earlier to switch to rum and coke. Jacob had to go and suggest that mixing drinks wasn't the brightest idea, which led me telling him to mind his fucking own business and go and annoy someone else who gave a shit. With the sweetness of the rum and the fizz of the coke it was hard to even _consider_ stoping.

The ceremony had gone off without a hitch even though I secretly hoped that Emily would trip down the aisle or a least stain her heart breakingly beautiful dress with red wine. Unfortunately for me neither happened. Sure, I didn't love Sam anymore and hated him with a thousand suns but knowing that my cousin was getting married, even if it was to _my_ former fiancé, I wished them the best.

Me and Sam, we'd been good while it lasted. Besides the obvious lack of skill he possessed in the bedroom and the funny quirks he had, I was adamant that I would love him forever. I scoffed at my own internal rant as I watched the happily married couple's first dance. Figures they would dance to some soppy love song. When I get married, if _ever_, I would play something up-beat and hip, something you can grove to like Chris Brown or Usher or even maybe Justin Timberlake, show these motherfuckers who's bringing sexy back.

"Leah?" Andy asked, his blue eyes searching me out.

"Hmmm?" I hummed as I downed another dark liquid courage.

"You want to dance or something?" He asked scratching the back of his head like a nervous little boy. Andy wasn't bad looking by no means. His dark brown mop of hair was wispy and flowing like Embry's and his ice blue eyes where actually really fucking sweet. Running my eyes down his body I took in his dark pressed suit and blue tie which concealed a pretty hunky body. Sure he wasn't anything like the guys from the pack but still, the guy could hold his own.

"_Can _you dance?" I asked cocking my head to the side. I had never met any guy that could actually dance a tango or do a waltz without being instructed, but then again besides the boys on the rez I couldn't draw on much to compare.

"You'd be surprised" He smiled, flashing me his pearly whites.

Damn asshole – even his teeth were perfect.

"Well then sure, I really like surprises" I drawled out, not realising I was sounding like I was attempting to seduce the poor guy, as I licked my glossy lips.

Standing and taking my hand, Andy pulled me onto the dance floor. I could feel the holes burning into the back of my head when his arms wrapped around my waist and we started to slow dance. It was actually surprising that Andy's hands weren't venturing down passed the small of my back to my ass. Had I been dancing with Paul or hell even Quil I would have been long groped by now. Maybe I wasn't Andy's type, maybe Alice had paid him for the date and he was just itching to get away from me? Whatever the reason I wasn't liking it one bit.

"You look really beautiful Leah" He whispered, sending his minty breath swirling around me.

I knew I shouldn't have encouraged him but the alcohol coursing through my system decided otherwise. The drunk Leah wanted more.

"You don't look half bad yourself" I said back looking on to those money maker eyes. I gulped feeling a familiar rush through my body. It wasn't a good feeling – well actually it was. It was just something I hadn't felt since Sam. Something that was long buried for men until now. Lust. Damn Andy Baker and his fucking innocence.

"Thanks" He mumbled, the tops of his ears going a bright red. "Can I ask you something Leah?" He whispered coming ever slightly closer making my eyelids flutter and my heart beat incredibly fast.

"_Anything_" I murmured trying to close the distance. I noticed his eyes flick to behind me and proceed to look with caution.

"Are you and Jacob a _thing_?" I wanted to shriek and slap him across the face. Jacob? As in Jacob Black, the un-imprinted wolf? Really? I mean sure, Jacob had that tall dark and handsome thing going on, and he was actually really sweet when he wanted to be. His broad shoulders looked great coupled with his frequently sweaty chest and his ass was so~o fucking cute in his cut-offs. His eyes were a deep chocolate fantasy land I wanted to swim in and his voice was like a flipping drug. It ran through your whole body, giving you exactly what you needed, making every fibre in your body stand to attention and want more.

"No!" I shouted sounding a little off pitch and my voice wavering.

Andy looked at me suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. "Well then why does he look like he wants to rip my head off and grind my bones into ash?"

My awesomely smart comeback was a subtle "Huh?" I turned looking around the hall to find Jacob Black trembling at a table staring at us with dark eyes. Okay perhaps not _us_. It was Andy he was looking at, his current state making him susceptible to phasing at any moment. I could see my brother and Embry whispering violently to him, trying to calm him down from the breakdown he was about to have.

His eyes softened when he noticed I was staring wide eyed at him, before he gave me a little smile and turned his head to the side. What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe Bella-bitch-leech did leave him messed up and now his emotion where all out of whack. Thank god Bella and the leech couldn't have children, or at least a daughter, because knowing Jacob's state of mind, the idiot would have probably imprinted on the little shit.

I could see Seth shaking his head and looking at me with disapproving eyes. _What the hell now?_ I hadn't done anything wrong except dance with Andy. God Damn these stupid wolf boys.

"Leah you know, we could get out of here, go for a drive, maybe go back to my parents place. Dad's out of town and mum's gone to my Aunts for the weekend, so it'll be just me and you." Andy whispered, still concerned about Jacob's demeanour, but never the less taking a chance to ask me home.

"Slow down cowboy. We haven't even kissed yet" I chuckled turning to face him. Before I knew it and taking me off guard, Andy's lips came swiftly down on to mine, mashing our mouths together. His lips where smooth and his tongue slick, as I gasped into his mouth with surprise. He had taken the opportunity to run his tongue against mine, before pulling back with a few more nips and kisses. He cradled my face in his hands and I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I was still gobsmacked that he'd actually fucking kissed me in front of everyone, especially the pack. His kiss felt so good yet oh so wrong. There was something there that was missing, like garlic to garlic bread or cream and jam from a scone.

"Leah?" I heard a deep voice come from behind me, which made me groan instantly.

"What?" I muttered turning around to face the man of the moment. "What do you want _Samuel_? Come to annoy me or just wreck my life again?" I kept my voice sweet and innocent while at the same time standing in front of Andy protecting him from all the big bad wolves who were glaring at him, even Paul was giving him dirty looks.

I could see Sam was glaring at Andy who was standing behind me, his hands coming to a rest on my hips, thumbing the material of my dress.

"Who is this - this _boy_?" Sam growled out, warning me to keep myself in check when I spoke to him. And me being me, I rarely gave a shit what Sam wanted or needed.

"This is Andy. Now if you'll excuse me, Andy's parent's _empty _house is waiting for us!" I growled back my own commanding voice.

"You're not going anywhere. You're staying right fucking here, with your mother and brother. There will be _no _going anywhere." Sam scolded crossing his arms across his chest try to imitate me with his huge form.

I glared fire at him and stepped forward with my fists clenched. "And who's going to stop me?" I hissed, intrigued to know if push came to shove would Sam actually stop me.

"I will." Another deep voice to the side of me growled. I turned to stare down my brick wall who was stopping me from leaving and balled my fists tighter, his accusing eyes running all over me. I knew he had me beat. He would be able to stop me with a single word, my body and mind becoming defenceless in his wake.

Jacob could see the surprise written all over my face and I could feel the tight knot in my throat. His eyes were so angry I felt myself whimper, and of course did the only thing that happens after you drink too much, besides having wild animal sex. I started crying.

The boys around me froze and did a double take on my face. Sam kept looking over at Emily for help, which made me sob even harder. Jacob's eyes where wide, his lids blinking a couple of times to understand what the hell was going on. Andy in the meantime was being pulled away by my brother, warned that if he ever touched, kissed or invited me anywhere, he was going to make sure Andy's father pieced his face back together.

Hearing my brother's threat made me cry harder. It was true; they all didn't want me to have anyone. They were all trying to stop me from moving on; they wanted me to stay an evil wrench, feeding off the souls of others. They didn't want to fix me, they wanted to cage me, like a pretty bird who would ever know anything but captivity.

I couldn't even understand what I was saying between all the blubbering and tears, as I stood in a beautiful purple gown. My mother had even been alerted to my state who was shushing Embry's mother who was talking to her, to look at me standing in the middle of the hall surround by the pack.

"Lee…" Jacob whispered stepping forward and wrapping me up in his strong arms. I cried harder into his chest, no doubt staining his crisp white undershirt. I could feel myself trembling inside his cocoon of warmth and didn't even notice that he was leading me outside.

Sitting me on a lover's swing that was scattered in vines and lilies he got down on his knees and tried to look at my face. His warm hands where stroking my face, his thumb removing every tear that fell down. I sniffled a couple of times embarrassed at my behaviour and trying to pull myself together.

"You okay Lee?" Jacob asked his voice unbelievably low and husky.

"Yeah just too much to drink" I mumbled back turning my face away from his.

"Silly little wolf. You know alcohol doesn't agree with you. Why are you – you crying?"

"Because Jacob. I'm just so fucking fed up with this shit. I don't have a life and I am expected to stay a cold bitter bitch with no one to love"

"It's not that Lee- That's not entirely true" He sighed, unhappy with my statement and shaking his head slightly.

"Well what is it then?" I cried a little more.

"It's that you're _too _good for them. You deserve someone special who loves you, someone that _knows_ you" Jacob whispered, his hands still cupping my face and looking into my eyes.

_Jeez his palms felt nice_ I thought as my eyes fluttered shut. _I could really get used to this._

"Leah-" Jake breathed sending his hot breath over my face. Before I had time to answer his lips pressed against mine making my eyes snap wide open.

What. The. Fuck?


	3. Butterflies and Socks

**I do not own Twilight because if I did Jacob would have fallen in love with Leah *rolls eyes* of course and then a massive Alpha fight would have broken out due to Sam being his crazy possessive ass self. Look Kei Look! WILF Fight! Your fav! **

**WILF boys rule, human boys drool!**

* * *

**~Hate Me~**

_The Wedding part 2_

Yeah that's right Jacob Black; my almighty Alpha was kissing me. While I always thought he'd be one of those kinds of _hey-baby-let's-suck-face_ kisser's he once again proved me wrong. His lips were slow and kinda rough as they brushed back on forth on mine making a shiver move down my spine. My eyes where still wide open while his were closed tightly in concentration making me want to laugh.

No that wasn't right, I _didn't_ want to laugh, I wanted to close my eyes, lean into him and drop back on to the cold soft grass and straddle him. Jesus, I couldn't do this. Jacob was my friend, well at least sometimes, he was my Alpha, my fucking boss, and one thing the secretary always learns is never screw the boss and never steal the stationary.

No matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't do that – this – it.

Shoving him back, my hand rose as if on auto-pilot and came down hard against his cheek. "Don't you ever, _ever_ kiss me again Black!" I screamed, purely out of frustration and want. I was frustrated; I wanted him, end of story. That's how I would have liked it to have been but with Jacob I knew it wouldn't just be sex end of story. Jacob wanted and actually genuinely liked feelings and talking. He liked going on dates, being romantic and being the goddamn hero all the time. He was the perfect guy but he didn't belong to me, much like Sam. There was some girl waiting to be seen, waiting to be born, that was made perfectly for him. Problem was; It wasn't me.

I just wasn't that kind girl. Fate had taken everything from me so from then on I made sure to have as little as possible, hold on to no one who could hurt me and never become too attached to anyone, let alone a man. At least not one of the wolf boys anyway. Becoming a lesbian had even crossed my mind, but I had quickly pushed that aside. I wasn't attracted to girls in anyway though I did crave the intimate and comfortable love that most of the girl on girl relationships had.

I looked at Jacob who was still kneeling in between my knees while I was on the swing. His had his head down and his large hand was rubbing his reddened cheek. Slowly his eyes came back up to mine and I waited for his response.

"Why would you do that Jacob? Why would you do something _so_ – so fucking stupid?" I spat watching his smirk appear. Maybe I hadn't hit him hard enough; maybe he needed another good slug.

"I like you better when you're angry. Anger makes your eyes sparkle. It's sexy, even if they do sparkle with murder. Though as crazy as it sounds, you're really beautiful when you cry"

"Are you even listening to me you fucking fruit cake? Why the fuck would you kiss me?"

"I'm _not_ a fruit cake Leah; I thought the kiss would have told you that?" He mumbled grimacing with slight hurt that the kiss hadn't meant much to me. Little did he know my stomach was rolling in tidal waves as the tiny butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was like standing really close to a helicopter and feeling the wind of the blades roll off and into your body.

"Jacob-" I managed to get out in a whisper, closing my eyes and looking pained. Jeez these butterflies were kicking my ass.

"Plus the only one who you need to worry about being a fruit cake is your brother. No straight guy is ever that happy, even though he has a girlfriend I worry about him. But that's beside the point, the point is- well there really is no point but-"

Jacob continued to ramble and rant while I felt like I was on a spinning top. It was like my world was about to come crashing down from the inside out. Implosion not explosion. Implosion not-

"Leah!" Jacob screeched as he tried to move away from me as fast as possible still allowing me to chuck on his shiny shoes. They looked real glossy and new. Serves him right.

The horrible bile crept up my throat again making me dry reach, Jacob quickly moving to hold the long expensive extensions Alice had given me, out of my face while I slowly brought up each and every tequila sunrise, cock-sucking cowboy and rum and coke. I really shouldn't have mixed my alcohol. Shot's in between drinks, _still _counted as another standard drink much to my dismay. How many had I had? 8? 18? Shit I couldn't even remember, it must have been the latter.

"Leah, you okay?" Jacob whispered rubbing and hand up and down my back making me want to elbow him in the face. What was with every one and trying to get some fucking Leah tonight? It was warm and comfortable as he continued to drag his palm up and down my back.

"Yeah - _perfecto_" I sighed wiping my chin with my arm. This was so demeaning and gross. "By the way, you scream like a girl" I smirked still with my head to the side, my hands holding my weight up off the side of the arm of the chair.

"Do not. I hollered which is closer to yelling and definitely more man-y" He said seriously, puffing out his chest. I rolled my eyes at his actions.

"Hollered, shrieked, screamed, fan girled out, _same_ thing" I smiled smugly, thinking back on the high octave of the scream, coming from the huge russet man.

"I don't think so Leah" He exclaimed with a small growl, his hands still toying with the strands of my hair, only making small enough movements for me to notice he still was there for me.

"I am telling _everyone_ you scream like a girl." I smirked, laughing internally as his brow dropped to a frown.

"No you're not."

"Watch me" I whispered quickly removing my hair from his grasp and running towards the hall. Being intoxicated and all that made it quite a feat to pick up speed, while also not being assisted by the stupid sandals I had on as part of the bridesmaid ensemble.

Laughing like a mad man _clearly_, I felt the weight of a tonne of bricks grip me from behind, making both myself and the extreme lard ass drop to the wet grass. "Get off me Jake" I screeched, knowing Alpha boy had caught me and was attempting to ruin my night even more. I was going to tell on him so bad, though coming to think of it, none of the assholes inside would even believe me, all of them looking up to him like he was some kind of sex God. I meant _God_. Yeah that's what I meant.

Using the word 'sex' and 'Jacob' in the sentence was pretty un-nerving considering Jacob would be seventeen forever. I mean sure he looked around 25, but he was still the egotistical teenage boy, going around kissing people that hadn't given him permission. What the hell was it with boys and hormones? It was kind like the saying 'Can't live with them, can't live without them'. Like a catch 22.

"Not until you promise not to say anything _Lil_ Lee" He smiled sweetly, flipping me on my back and straddling my waist. I could feel the dampness start to seep through the chiffon of the dress, which would no doubt look like I pissed myself later.

"I'll give you _Lil'_ when I shove my _Lil'_ foot up your ass Black" I hissed struggling to get out from underneath him, hitting my closed fists against his muscular thighs. Damn him and his huge muscle bound body. "I swear to God Jacob, you don't get the fuck off me right now, I'll scream rape" I growled through clenched teeth moving my fists up quickly, trying to hit his stupid pretty face.

Jacob being the big oaf he was caught my wrists as I attempted to claw and kill him, pinning them above my head, resulting in his eyes to be exactly level with mine.

"Leah?" Andy rasped out looking down at us both, probably looking like we were in a compromising position. Of course it looked that way, Jacob and his 200 pound ass was pinning me to the ground, his face only inches from mine and my hands pinned. Not to mention my stupid flowing dress was showing way to much leg and almost riding up to my waist.

Jacob's eyes snapped up and I could tell he was looking at Andy like the kid was some kind of evil leech. Small growls and huffs left Jacob's chest, rumbling my whole body still pinned beneath his. Looking down with a sigh Jacob's eyes softened and he began to let me free, slowly getting to his feet and helping me up.

"Hey Andy" I said calmly trying to hide the fact that I was blushing like a school girl.

"Umm – Seth asked me to see what was taking so long and I-"

"And you _what_?" Jacob spat, pulling me closer to him, both his arms wrapped securely around my shoulders like in a bear hug while I stood in front of him.

Andy scratched his head a moment and gulped hard, his eyes flicking to my face and then back to Jacob's arms around me, but never looking up at Jacob's hard face. "Well this is awkward. I – um- I wanted to see if you needed a ride home?" He asked giving me only a tiny smile.

Before I had time to even part my lips for a reply, 'gorilla head' answered for me. "Actually Leah doesn't need a ride. _I'm_ taking her home, to _her_ bed, in her _mother's_ house." He sneered, Andy only nodding at his words.

"I guess I'll see you round then?" He said in a small whisper making me feel really bad. I mean Andy was my date, I'd made a fool of myself and Seth had even threatened him with dismemberment.

"Sure Andy. Call me and we can hang out sometime yeah?" I smiled trying to coax Andy out of his upset mood.

Suddenly his white smile graced his mouth, making me automatically smile back wide as I tried to ignore Jacob's low threatening growl. Making him shut up, I tried to elbow him but anticipating it he moved to the side, dodging my blow, all the while still holding me in his grip.

"Yeah Leah. Okay. I'll call you then."

"Do you have my cell number?"

"Uh – yeah – Alice kinda gave it to me this morning" He said before turning to find Seth, Embry and Quil all standing behind him with their arms crossed and glaring down at him. Why the hell didn't anybody like Andy? He was sweet and hella sexy, and he liked me.

"Alice is a nosey little leprechaun. I am going to kill her." I sighed rolling my eyes. Of course Alice had given my number out. She believed she was the perfect match maker and out of pure survival instinct I never questioned her reasoning. Stupid little pixie and her death threats. I bet if she could, half the population would have my number and I would have been on so many dates I would start to forget people's names.

"Well-" Andy coughed eyeing the huge men beside him "I guess I'll be going"

"Yeah" I smiled, waving to him as he walked backwards to the car park, before stuffing his hands in his pockets and turning his back to me and my pack of idiots. When he was far away enough not to overhear, I hissed in a low tone, the annoyance running through my whole body.

Quickly turning I shoved Jacob hard in the chest, taking him by surprise. "Way to cock block Black" I huffed before turning around to see Quil and Embry sniggering into their hands. "What the fuck is so funny you dumb asses?" I asked placing my hands on my hips and tapping my foot.

Quil couldn't hold his mouth shut anymore, bursting into ear shattering laughter.

"OH oh- make it stop" He cried after two minutes of busting his ass laughing, holding on to his side and almost dropping on to the grass.

"You're all wet Clearwater" Embry chuckled, thumbing towards my dress. In most of the area's around my waist and down, the dress was soaked.

"Ah shit Jake, look what you did!" I said in an exhausted tone. I was really tired and I just wanted to go home and sleep this day off. Picking up the sides of my dress, I hummed in dis-satisfaction, before dropping the material again.

"Yeah Jake, you made Leah all wet for you" Quil mused as he high fived Embry, both of them sniggering under their breathes. My mouth hung open for a bit like I was some kind of an idiot, though snapped back out of my stupor once my brother started scolding them.

"You assholes. She's my damn sister, how can you even think - _shudder _- about her like that"

"Ouch" I muttered quietly realising that I in fact was a freak and no man would ever look at me like that ever again. Except for Andy - and well Alpha dick but he was only doing it to cheer me up or something. Jacob had problems, more than I could list. Maybe he was just giving up hope and settling for the closet feeling he could find with a pulse.

Seth's eyes softened when he looked to me, my eyes set down on the ground and shuffling in my now wet dress. "Lee - geez - I didn't mean it like that - it's just-"

I laughed sadly. "Don't worry about it Seth, I know what you mean. It's fine"

"But Lee-"

"Can you take me home Jake?" I asked looking back at him. He had grass stains and scuff marks on his white button up shirt and his hair looked wild even through its shortness. "I've had enough for today, I'm tired, I have a headache and I need my bed."

"Yeah - let's go" He smiled. "You do know Embry and Quil are staying at your place tonight, right?" He asked wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we walked to the parking lot, leaving twiddle Dee, Dumb and Dick standing with their eyes wide and mouths open. I wasn't going to fight with Jacob anymore. I was too damn tired and to exhausted to even shrug his arm off.

"Great" I said rolling my eyes. "The fridge will be empty, the house will smell of boys and with the super hearing I have I won't be able to sleep with the roar of thunder they call breathing." I stopped and took a deep breath to try and calm myself and began rubbing my temples. "Plus - I have a rip roaring headache that is about to split my skull in half."

"You know - you can always stay with me and dad."

"Your couch sucks and I smells like Embry's socks" I frowned, watching as Jake opened the door to the rabbit to let me in.

"Who said anything about the couch?" He mused, wiggling his eye brows at me, as he walked to the other side of the tiny vehicle.

"That's sweet; you'd give up your bed for me?" I said smirking right back.

"Hang on - _no_, no the point was - both of us would be in there." He explained moving his finger between us.

"Great try Jacob but I have a better idea" I smiled as he started to drive off from the Uley wedding.

"No Leah - _no_" He started.

"What do you _mean _no? You don't even know what I want to do"

"You have that goddamn glint in your eye. Your dangerous with that sparkle, it's creepy because you almost look crazy." Jacob said with a deep growl.

"Oh you have no idea" I smiled sweetly, before placing my hand on his forearm, making him tightly grasp the wheel. "Take the turn off near Old Quil's house; I want to show you something-"

"But Leah that's-" He said looking at me with worry in his brown eyes.

"I know Jacob. I _know_" I whispered, crossing my arms across my chest and leaning back into the seat, watching the dark forest fly by.

* * *

AN: Where do you think they're going? *squeals* I love surprises! Only 12 more hours and I'll have my Sony Vaio back *hums with delight*


	4. Confessions and Tears

**I do not own Twilight because if I did the concept of Imprinting would be banished and the idea of language and lemons would be introduced. Ahhh... *sighs happily* FanFiction just about sums it up!**

**Rock on Blackwater babes! **

* * *

**~Hate Me~**

_The Waterfall_

"Just over there Jake" I said, searching the road for the large fallen oak tree to indicate our arrival. "Near the fallen tree" I pointed, pressing my index finger on the cloudy glass, our warmth making the rabbit's cabin fog, considering the dropping temperature outside.

Winter was coming soon and the whole of Forks and LaPush would be riddled with the depressing look of the winter weather. It had never been my favourite season, often finding it a lonely and sad time of the year, being stuck in a small god damn house with my pain in the ass brother and a mother whose chirpy attitude over her sheriff boyfriend made me want to puke. It was totally sad on my part that my mother was dating and I wasn't. We'd both lost the love of our lives, yet she was able to pick up the pieces and sew herself back together. She trusted Charlie, she may even love the guy. I mean sure, Charlie was cool and when he wasn't looking I was able to steal his cuffs and chain Seth to the sink one time, but overall the guy was pretty darn nice.

I always did have a soft spot for the bumbling idiot. Truth be told he was a klutz, something which no one could deny his daughter had inherited when she was human, he couldn't keep a house if his life depended on it and the guy was even able to manage screwing up cooking the simplest of things. I guess you could say he _needed _my mum. She was literally an Indian version of Martha Stewart, the perfect house keeper, the perfect mother and wife. She would definitely be in the running for an impending saint hood.

"Leah? Why the hell are we here?" Jacob asked, searching his eyes through the woods before looking back at me with a curious look on his face.

"I want to show you something. It may answer some of your questions." I smiled sadly as I reached for the door handle to let myself out.

"Questions about what? You never answer my questions so it could be anything" He chuckled nervously as he too hoped out of the small car.

"You'll see" I mused, holding out my hand for his. "Come on Alpha, take my hand, I promise I wont let anything get you" Lowering my voice I teased him a little "I'll protect you Jake"

"Ha ha! Very funny Clearwater" He glared all the while taking my hand and letting me lead him down off the road and through the trees.

The forest was silent around us bar the soft blowing of an Autumn draft and the low hum of the nocturnal animals around us. It was nice having the silence between us, due to Jake's disciples often following him around where ever he went, like magnets. He moves, they move.

_God _I thought _Bella and Stalk-ward much?_

A few times I tugged Jacob's hand, as he seemed to be drifting off and trying to walk in a different direction, him and his two second attention span probably the cause to blame.

"I'm not some puppy you know Leah. Can't you just tell me where we are going?" He said staring at our joined hands, squeezing my hand softly in his. I too was drifting in and out of thoughts, taking in the calloused yet soft texture of his hands, the warmth he exuded and even his presence. Maybe it was an Alpha thing or maybe it was just a Jacob thing.

"Oh come on Jake, is the big bad Alpha scared?" I smirked, tugging him further into the woods.

"I just don't want to be surprised when something jumps out at me. I like being prepared" He frowned, stopping on the trampled path and pulling me back to him. "Where are you taking me Leah?"

"I-" I stuttered out like a complete idiot, feeling the closeness of our bodies. I could literally taste Jacob's scent on the tip of my tongue, his breath fanning over my face and making me dizzy. Not the sick kind of dizzy I had been feeling before but the dizzy I felt when I used to be with Sam. The sensation raced through my whole body, making a ripple rise in my spine, and my eyes flutter.

"Jake – I"

"Leah" He breathed, cupping my face with the free hand that wasn't holding mine. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't like me. Tell me you don't want to see how this could be, how _we _could be?"

My eyes flicked from his eyes down to his mouth, noticing his tongue poke out and rub against his bottom lip. "Tell me I don't make you feel anything"

His voice was was smooth and calming and I couldn't help but sigh and lean my face into his palm, rubbing my cheek up and down his large hand. "Let me show you something first, were almost there" I whispered before pulling away from his hand and began walking again. Truth be told there were only two men who had seen it before with me. Dad and Sam. Both men who had disappeared out of my life in the blink of an eye, both who seemed to leave me when I needed them most.

I looked over my shoulder at Jake who had stopped only millimetres behind me.

"What is this place?" He questioned, the wonder and awe in his eyes was evident.

"This is the place I come when my head is clouded and I want some peace in my life. This is my sanctuary Jake, my kingdom. The only place left for the memories I try and hold on to" I answered feeling his arms wrap around my waist. Letting him hold me felt right, so I allowed myself to lean back into his chest and placed my hands over his.

"It's beautiful" He breathed near my ear, making my skin crawl with goosebumps. His voice deep and husky. "But why did you bring _me_ here?" He asked, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

"Every man I have loved I have brought here, and then fate took them away. I was hoping it would work for you too." I sighed feeling his arms tense around me, before his fingers wrapped themselves around the material of my dress, fisting it tightly.

"I'm not going anywhere Leah" He whispered against my neck making me whimper. "And if I do, your coming with me." Taking a deep breath, I allowed him to turn me in his embrace. "I know you don't want to hear it Leah, but I really do like you. I want us to be more than just friends, but most of all I want you to be happy. I may only be a boy in your eyes, but I am man enough to admit I've been a fool. I spent a whole year of my life chasing a girl that could never be mine. I chased someone who didn't understand me, not like you do. Instead of looking for love so far away, I could have been right here, in my home, with my people, loving a girl who I have known all my life.

I know it's not going to be easy Leah. I know what you had with Sam was real and then it was taken away with one fucking look, one moment. But trust me when I tell you; I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not going to give up. I can live for a long as it takes for you to give me a chance.

Ultimately though, I want you to be happy, so if you think Andy can give you that, I will back off, until the day you realise the inevitable..."

I hadn't noticed the tears running down my cheeks until Jacob started to wipe them away with his thumbs. "And what is that?" I ebbed trying to hold back the underlying sobs my body was so desperately holding on to.

Taking a deep breath Jacob kissed me. This time is was soft and sweet, not like his earlier attempts filled with desperation and force. This kiss just about knocked me on to my ass, as the seem of my lips parted and his tongue slipped into my mouth. It was slow and controlled, and while both his hands cupped my face, I couldn't help but to do the same.

Pulling away he rested his forehead against mine and looked into my watery eyes, his big brown orbs making me feel like a teenage girl again, ready for the big wide world and ready to fall in love again.

"That your in _love _with me" He smiled inching forward so the tips of our noses were touching. "That I am right and that we could be great together."

Closing my eyes I thought a moment. In some sense Jacob was right. We did make a whole lot of sense together. We had both been through a whole lot in our measly years of life. We'd both lost a parent, we'd both felt the pain of heartbreak, both protectors of our tribe, both wolves who could one day-

My realisation had hit me like a tonne of bricks and it made me sick to my stomach. "The _imprint_" I whispered backing away from him slowly, my eyes quivering with hurt remembering why I had brought him out here. I was supposed to show him the carving in the nearby tree, the one Sam had carved into the bark, promised me his love and proposed on one knee. I was supposed to show him the small flowers my dad had planted with me as a little girl, show him that they were now dead just like he was. It was all gone and soon he could be too.

"Give me a chance Lee. I know I can fight an imprint. _You_ could give me that reason" He tried to explain, stepping closer as I stepped away.

"Your not going to mean it Jake, you wont be able to deny the pull. You wont be able to stop it, you can't fight fate no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard _I_ try. I'm not that strong Jacob. I know you can make me happy, but I also know that you can kill me. It wont matter how much I love you, how much I give you, how much I care, you'll leave me and I'll have to watch you live the perfect life with a girl that isn't me. I'll phase, read you mind and want to disappear." My tears where now running freely, destroying the make up Alice had taken the time to do.

"Lee – I _won't_. I already know that" He pleaded, his hands reaching out to hold me.

"No you _don't_" I all but screamed, snatching my body away so he couldn't touch me. Being in his arms felt like heaven and letting him touch me I knew I'd fall straight back into him. "You don't know _anything _Black" I hissed feeling the anger of the words he spoke bubble inside me. "With Andy I wouldn't be afraid. With Andy I could have a normal life. I could learn to love him. I know _you_ can make me happy Jake, so happy it fuckings hurts just even thinking about it. But the risks Jacob, the risks are too high, there is too much on the line."

"Like what?" Jacob snapped getting frustrated with my answers, hurt lacing his voice from my rejection of all the things he'd just confessed.

"Like the pack. It wouldn't work, it would be too much for them. Your father who is depending on you to give him mini Alpha's, something I can't." I pleaded trying to make him see reason.

"I don't give a shit about the pack or my Dad. I don't care that you haven't had a period since you phased. I want to be with you Leah" He cried out in frustration, pulling a rough hand through his hair. "I fucking love you!" He yelled making me bite down on my lips to stop a sob.

Love. Love? I didn't know the feeling any more. Not since I was a young naive little girl, full of hopes and dreams for a bright future, dreams of a husband who kissed me when I woke and children whose laughter filtered through the back window of the house while I made a Sunday brunch in my perfect little house. I was beyond fucking broken. I was a mess.

"As soon as you see _her _Jake, I'll be nothing more than a memory! I won't mean shit to you! I'll just be the lonely, bitchy she-wolf that can't get over the fact that another man left her for a fucking stranger. I may be a cunt most of the time but I don't deserve to be treated like I am invisible. You've seen how Sam treats me, how he says he loves me, just not like a woman anymore, he tells me he'll always care, even though he is itching to get back to-"

"It's always about fucking Sam isn't it Leah?" He roared cutting off my own mini rant. "I am so sick you hearing you use Sam as an excuse not to move on. He's not coming back to you Lee. He's not in love with you anymore. He left you. He didn't have to goddamn balls to stand up and fight for you, fight against the magic. He's not coming back!"

My breath hitched in my throat and I felt like I was going to collapse. "I – I – know that" I cried, trying to look everywhere but his eyes. "I know he's not coming back" I screamed, balling my fists and trying to fight through the excruciating pain and truths Jacob's words had hit me with. "I know that I am not worth fighting for, that Emily is so much fucking better than I am, at so much more things."

Finally I felt the dam break and all the shitty emotions Sam had left me with exploded. I felt my head spin before I closed my eyes and stumbled back, anticipating the full hurt of the ground below me. I slowly opened my eyes, not feeling the cold hardness of the ground, but rather the warm arms of Jacob Black.

"Your worth it Leah. Your worth everything and so much more. I am not Sam, and I _need _you to trust me. I'll be here to catch you, just like now. I'll be here when you leave, when you come back. I'll always be here Leah. _Always_." He whispered, holding me close and stroking the fallen hair out of my face.

"What do you say Lee? Will you give me that chance?"

* * *

**AN: She should give him a chance right? Or should she take her chance with Andy?**

**Also *coos happily* I love all of your fucking awesome reviews. If you all know me by now I am a lazy whore that often doesn't reply. I know you all put in the effort to review so I should too! Trust me - I am working on it! By hell and high water I am currently cursing the delicious taste of Jim Beam and Coke coupled with a night of dancing and laughing, followed closely by Vodka, Lime and Soda's. Damn those drinks to hell! I am still hung over and it is almost 5am on Sunday morning! Bare in mind I went out Friday night! *frowns* Stupid sleeping all day and being awake all night!**

**So now I am off to bed to sleep all day Sunday before I bare the thought of another Monday morning at work rolling around. **

**Love all you ladies hard! xoxox**


	5. Red Velvet and Twigs

**I do not own Twilight **

* * *

**~Hate Me~**

_The Hardest Break_

I lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling contemplating Jacob's words. He was wrong, I wasn't worth it. He wouldn't be there to catch me, but that didn't really matter. I was a full grown ass woman, capable of catching myself, dusting off the past and trying to make do with what fate had left me. Jacob was sweet and kind and loved with his whole heart, but did I really want to tarnish that for him? I wasn't the girl for him, the one meant for his heart, his soul mate, his everything. I wasn't the one who could make him feel whole and loved equally back.

Truth was I did love Jacob. I loved him fiercely and thinking back on the time we spent at the waterfall 6 months ago after Sam's wedding I so desperately wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I wanted him to fix me, make me whole, love me, be my everything. But it was my stupid pride and heart that made me say no. I turned away the best thing in my life and I hadn't seen him since. I guess I fucked with his head too much and he couldn't bare to stand me any longer, not that I blamed him, I could barely stand myself.

Turning over in bed I clung to Andy tightly, wishing it was Jacob's scent radiating from my bed sheets, engulfing me in the piney musk of his body. I wished it my his hard muscles pressing into my soft skin, making my head dizzy with lust. I missed him and his warm laugh, his shinning eyes, his hard yet baby soft touch, his heated breath and the sound of his heart.

Wiping my face with one hand, while the other grasped tightly to Andy's waist, I buried my face in his shoulder, sobbing quietly into his pale skin. Breathing in his scent just made me cry harder, it was void of any scent of the forest, any scent of the rain, any scent of my home. He was nothing like Jacob, nothing at all. But maybe that's why I had picked Andy. Andy was safe and loved me and wanted to be with me, even if he didn't know the real me, the angry me, the upset, scorned, heartbroken, bitchy me.

Andy stirred lightly making me quickly pull away trying to dry the tears on my face with the comforter. He turned slowly, his head still heavy with sleep, though when he caught my face, his was anything but sleepy. His eyes slowly widened before frowning and his hand slid under my neck to the back of my head pulling me forward.

"Shhh baby" He cooed running his hand through my hair and using the other to rub my back in soothing circles. His hands weren't comforting me the way I wished it would. "What's wrong Leah?" He mumbled pressing his lips to my forehead, humming as he rocked me gently.

"I- I- I miss Jacob" I cried loudly burying my face in his neck, trying to nuzzle and find my comforting space I would always use.

"That's understandable. He's your best friend." He whispered, slipping his hand under the back of my shirt, following the line of my spine with his fingertips and rubbing gently.

"Yeah" I whispered, my sobbing slowly coming to a stop, my head buried under his chin. I wanted to sleep like this forever, the fake fragment of feeling safe in Andy's embrace, the beat of his heart pressing against my ear and he breathed deep strong breaths.

"Has Billy heard anything?" He asked, before I answered with a shake of my head. "Oh Lee. I'm sure he's safe and happy where ever he is." Andy answered in a low tone, making my tears run again.

"I hope so" I cried, squeezing him impossibly tighter.

* * *

I watched as Andy packed his backpack and hoisted it over his shoulder. "I'm really sorry Leah, that this didn't work out. I'm sorry for wasting your time." Andy spat, hostility lacing his usually calm and sweet voice.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled, running my hands through my hair and laying them on the dinning table. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I really wanted us to work. I truly did." I breathed, unable to look up at him knowing his face was full of hurt and despair.

Walking over the the dinning table Andy sighed before laying a red velvet box down in front of me. "This belongs to you. I was saving it for later on, but... I just want you to have it okay? I bought it for you, so I want you to keep it" He whispered pushing the box closer to my trembling hands.

"Whatever it is, I can't keep it" I cried pushing the box back towards him.

"Leah" He frowned, laying his backpack on the floor and placing a seat next to me. He took my hands in his, grabbing the box and placing it in my palms, making my fingers close around it. "I _want _you to keep it. Just because we didn't make it doesn't mean I love you any less. I want you to keep it to remember me by. No one has ever made me feel so alive, so free, not like you. I want this to remind you of the times we had, that they were good and made me happy. I just want you to remember me because I'll never forget you, okay?" He whispered cupping my face and brushing his lips over my forehead. "I love you Leah, more than I could ever say, more than I could ever show you, more than you could ever imagine."

I trembled under his touch as he whispered the sweet deceleration of love to me. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing that I had made the right decision. I loved Jacob Black and I couldn't keep lying to Andy. Andy deserved someone who loved him with everything they had, I wasn't that girl, I could _never _be that girl.

"Thank you" I whimpered as Andy tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear. I squeezed his hand as he slowly got up, and retrieved his bag. "I promise I wont forget."

"Bye Leah. I'll see you around, I guess?"

"Yeah" I answered, just before he softly shut the door and walked out of my life.

* * *

"He's back Leah" Seth said grimly through the phone.

"Where?" I barked, eagerly wanting to see him again. It had been almost a whole year since he'd left the reservation and I need to see with my own two eyes that he was _real_, that Jacob Black had actually existed and wasn't just a fragment of my messed up imagination. "Where Seth?"

"He is at Sam's place, but Lee-"

I didn't need to hear the rest, I dropped the phone and ran. I flung open the front door to the house and bounded down the porch steps, running as fast as my feet could take me. The forest whirled past me in a blur and I could hardly contain the excitement. I was going to see him, tell him I loved him, tell him that he was a jackass for not calling his father and sister, and then kiss him.

God, I'd dreamed about his lips every night since he kissed me. Their rough texture, the taste of his bottom lip. I groaned mentally just thinking about seeing him again.

By the time I reached Sam's house I was so out of breath I almost passed out when I reached the door. Not even bothering to knock I bombarded in, not a care in the world that the house wasn't even mine.

I saw Jacob straight away sitting on Sam's lounge, laughing and smiling with Paul and Jared. His face was exactly how I remembered. So strong and sharp, his big brown eyes sparkling with happiness, his lips pulled up in his signature wide grin.

My heart thumped wildly in my chest as he tore his eyes away from the boys to see me standing at the foot of the room watching him. My breath was scattered and shaky, his movements like we were both stuck in a movie in slow motion.

His grin widened before his eyes moved further across the room, looking at a person I hadn't noticed before. Her hair was golden and curly, her body lean and sculpted like the blonde Cullen. Her lips were painted in a deep red, her white teeth peaking out from behind her lips as she smiled back at him.

I looked between the two and felt like my world was crashing down around me. I had waited, I had broken up with Andy, I had put my life on hold, ready to tell Jacob Black how I felt about him, and now looking between the two, I confirmed the one thing I had known all my life.

Fate hated me.

I scrambled out of the room as quickly as I arrived, not taking any notice to the deep voice calling out to me. I ran sluggishly, tired from the previous marathon I'd run on the way over. I could feel the twigs breaking and scraping at my skin as I lost my footing every now and then falling to the cold vegetated state of the forest floor.

_She_ was why Jacob hadn't come back. She was his everything and so much more. She was his sun, his moon and his fucking stars and I was nothing. Again. I was the same Leah that was dumped by my fiance for my cousin, I was the same bitter, dark, twisted Leah that had been left to pick up the pieces of my tattered heart. I was the cold, the undeserving, the nasty, the she-bitch everyone knew me to be.

But I was going to change that. I was going to kill her, kill _that _Leah, so she could never come back, which would inadvertently kill everything else good left in me.


	6. Tears and Promises

**I do not own Twilight**

* * *

**Hate Me**

_Love Me_

**JPOV  
**_  
_  
I knew I had to get to her before she did something stupid. The way she'd looked at me was like I was the only man in the world as she stood in the doorway, her chest heaving and her breaths coming in short pants. Then something changed. When I'd glanced over at Geraldine, Brady's imprint, Leah suddenly scattered, smashing one of Emily's lamps and leaving the door wide open. I blinked in shock a couple of times and then ran.

I was surprised that she had come to Sam's and hadn't expected her to show up. I'd wanted to talk to her alone, sort out this mess inside me, the feelings I still had for her.

The truth was, the only reason I came back was because I heard about Leah breaking it off with Andy, that smug, rich boy asshole. Seth had been phased and he'd shown me that he was gone after Leah had suddenly had a change of heart, which sent him packing.

I'd been glad, because running as a wolf for nine months out of the year hadn't been fun. The first whole two months it was basically me in wolf form trying to calm myself down. I mean, if I really wanted to I could have shown up to her house and ripped Andy's pretty head off with my teeth when I was phased and blamed it on an animal attack.

The only problem would be that Leah liked the guy and I didn't want to hurt her. _Liked_.

As I ran after her I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face. She _liked_ him, as in past tense. So now, I chose to come back and ask her again. Ask her if she wanted something more with me than just our Alpha – Beta relationship. To be more than just friends.

It was probably really stupid of me to leave. I should have stayed, fought for her, reminded her everyday of what she was missing out on, but I couldn't. Her picking Andy because he was 'safe', because he'd never 'imprint' was too much. It hurt me deep down inside that Leah wasn't willing to take that chance on me, that I might disappoint and leave just like Sam. But she was wrong. I would never leave her and I would die before I'd let myself disappoint her. Even after all this time it felt like she was as close to me as ever before. I could still smell her, I could still feel the warmth of her shoulder as she nudged against me, the tingle of her lips.

I knew she felt more for me than a normal friendship. I frightened her, I had threatened to break down the shell around her and get in to see the real Leah. The one who smiled and laughed with her friends, the one who loved her family more than anything, the Leah that loved me. If she wasn't interested or attracted to me she would have just told me to 'fuck off and keep dreaming'. But she hadn't. That had meant she really did feel something genuine for me, something special.

Keeping in my human form, I ran faster, the wind whipping around my face as I followed my senses. She was close I knew it. The salty spray of the ocean was drawing nearer and it had finally clicked in my brain where she was heading. The twigs and leaves were crushed easily under my feet as I ran and I couldn't wait to see her again, up close, so close that her lashes where brushing against my cheeks and my lips were pressed against her cheek, my arms around her and holding her close, afraid that if I were to let go she would disappear again, find another excuse.

She'd run out of excuses now - and she had to face me.

Pushing the low-lying branches aside I stepped out on to the gray rock surface. I could see her standing there, her arms wrapped around her torso and her shoulders shaking. Her chin was tucked down against her chest and her fists where grabbing at the material of her sides.

"Go away Jacob" She choked out, never once turning to me. My heart sank immediately as the wind picked up and the smell of fresh tears hit my nostrils. "I understand Jake, it's okay" She breathed shaking her head and wiping her eyes.

"Leah-" I said softly, stepping closer timidly.

"Its fine Jake, It's really is... You can go now." She sobbed, wiping her palms into her face.

"Lee-" I whispered this time, successfully sneaking up behind her to wrap my arms around her waist. As soon as I lay my nose in the crook of her shoulder, everything she was holding back, seemed to burst like a dam breaking. Hushing her softly and whispering into her ear, I let her break. Her body was shaking and her legs where starting to give way. Slowly I pulled her into me and sat us on the cliff top, rocking her close against me.

Her cries got louder and she slowly pulled my fingers from her waist and crawled to turn around. Without me moving she slowly crawled on to my lap like a child and dug her head into my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck. I was stunned to say the least, but yet so grateful. She was finally opening up to me and using me as a shoulder to cry on. Wrapping my hands around her back, I brushed my cheek against her hair and soothingly pressed my palms against her shirt.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Jake" She whispered, over and over again, her body trembling against mine.

"Lee honey" I sighed, kissing the top of her head. "Everything's okay, everything's fine now." I was trying to calm her down but it just seemed to make her sob harder, her small hands gripping my shirt like it was me who was going to run anyway. With our chests pressed so tightly together, every sob that shook her body moved mine as well.

"I'm too late, I'm too late" She whispered into my shoulder.

"Too late for what?" I asked pulling back a little and trying to get a glimpse at her face. I needed to see her, my memories weren't enough anymore, even the dreams could not compare. Tilting her chin up towards me, her eyes were down cast and her breathing shaky. "Look at me Leah-" I ebbed, running my thumb over her lips and kissing her cheek.

Slowly her eyes drifted up and her glassy orbs trembled. Brushing her fringe off of her forehead, I kissed her there softly, letting my lips rest against her skin. Her breath was rushing straight to my neck and I could feel the heat emanating.

"Are you happy?" She asked slowly, her hands loosening from the back of my shirt to bring them around and lay her palms against my chest.

"Of course I am happy" I smiled, letting my fingers trace her cheeks and brush down her face. She was too beautiful, too soft, too much.

"What's her name?" Leah breathed, her index finger curling against my chest and tugging at the material.

"Who?" I asked, my eye brow raising on it's own as I looked over her.

"Don't play stupid with me Jake" She said, though not harshly or with any malice intended. Her voice was soft and so unsure, unlike the _Leah _I have ever known.

"Well don't ask stupid questions" I replied, biting my lip to stop the smirk appearing.

A small growl vibrated in her throat and I lent forward to kiss her neck softly. The growl slowly turned into a drawled out groan as I continued to leave feather like kisses there. "Jake-" She moaned, clutching my hair in her hands and tugging on the ends.

"Yes Leah?" I whispered, pulling her by the small of her back so she was so close I could hear her heart.

* * *

**LPOV**  
**  
**  
"I love you." I moaned softly, as he nipped at the hollow of my neck. I knew it was stupid to say, but I needed Jake to know, even with an imprint, that I loved him.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I thought my mind and body would melt away in to the wind the moment I said it because that would mean I didn't own my heart any longer. The moment I whispered those words to him, he would always own that little part of me. But giving Jacob my heart wasn't the issue. He _already _had it, in the palm of his large hand, it's force beating against his skin so he could feel it's pulse. Jacob Black owned what little I had left and I didn't mind. After all home really was where the heart is.

"I know" He smiled pressing his rough lips against my skin and smiling. "I love you too."

"What?" I asked pulling his hair back and looking down at him, searching his face.

"I. Love. You. Too." He grinned, that stupid lovable grin that made me want to bite off his lips.

"What about the girl?" I queried, pulling his hair back a little tighter, not really taking notice of my hands actions.

"The _girl_?" He asked, a puzzled look across his face. "They only girl I need is right here-" He answered truthfully and sincere.

"I don't understand..." I said shaking my head and trying to remove myself from him, only to be drawn back closer to his heat. "What about the girl you imprinted on?" I said sadly, feeling his arms tense around my waist.

I jumped a little when I heard him bark out a laugh, shaking his head and kissing my chin. "I didn't imprint Leah!"

"Bullshit" I snarled, pissed that he was actually laughing at me. "I saw you look at her." I snapped.

"_Who_?"

"The ditzy fucking blonde at Sam's." I said huffing, sitting back a little on his thighs and crossing my arms against my chest. "You know the one with the curly blonde hair, banging body, fucking-"

Jacob lips crashed down against mine, cutting me off. His hands pulled at my face tightly so I couldn't escape and soon my hands where clawing at his collar, bringing him forward.

Pulling back Jacob smiled and cupped my ass in his hand, squeezing it firmly. "I missed staring at this." He smirked, squeezing a little bit tighter and making me want to slap him across his face. "Her name is Geraldine. Brady was so excited to introduce me to her he almost had a heart attack. They met in Seattle at a football game...where _he _imprinted on her." He explained, his other hand playing with the hem of my shirt.

"I thought you came back with her." I said guiltily, looking down at his hands.

"So you're-" I started.

"_Yours_-" He smiled.

"But you-"

"I love you-"

"This is unfucking believable-"

"You're amazing-"

"I hate you Jacob Black, you had me freaking out _so _bad-"

"And I love you Leah Clearwater, and you have nothing to worry about-" He whispered lastly, placing a kiss on my forehead and gently holding me.

...

..

.

* * *

AN - Big thanks to 'ReaderWriterFilmaker' who Beta'd this chapter for me and gave me a second opinion on some stuff. ^_^

Ahhh finally the end... I'm sorry if you expected more or if this chapter was a tub of horrible vomit inducing love. But hey, it's Blackwater, and anytime we get some tears and kisses and sweetness, we cherish it... HARD! Either that, or I am turning into one of those girls... _yeah _you know the ones, the ones _I _particularly have no affection for.

BTW I fucking fail at Twitter. I have no idea what to write and no idea what I am doing on it... LOL!

~Ses


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